When chewing over the perfect dog breed to embody Donald Trump (AKA Drumpf, thanks John Oliver), we Googled “dog with the biggest manhood.” JUST KIDDING. But we DID Google “dog with weirdest hair,” “dog with most erratic behavior,” and “dog that contradicts self most.” The delegates of waggle came to a conclusion and the most Trump-like dog goes to the corgi. No offense to corgi’s everywhere, but Trump has a similar quality that is impossible to ignore.
The corgi is a breed we are convinced evaded extinction because humans thought it was funny to watch their beer can-like bodies struggle up and down stairs. We, too, are to blame for the rise of Trump and his coming this dangerously close to being the most powerful figure in America. It was largely due to how entertaining it is to watch him pull random facts out of his ass, cartoonishly generalize entire groups of people, and have his red weasel hair get attacked by a bald eagle.
Corgis are a cattle-herding breed, uniting the mindless droves together just like our favorite billionaire. The way corgis gather and drive large cows, Donald Trump has united the most ignorant, racist, simple-minded Americans and given them hope that their antiquated beliefs could once more reign the nation.
Editor’s Note: It should be noted that we LOVE corgis and apologize to any corgis whose feelings were hurt due to this satirical comparison. Shout-out to Nigel the corgi (pictured) for humoring us.