From housewives to horny teenagers, and from fans of the young adult Twilight series to fans of erotic asphyxiation, people flocked to theaters to see the much anticipated Fifty Shades Darker. The Fifty Shades of Grey series, an erotic reimagining of the vampire love triangle in Twilight, made people across the globe rethink romance. Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan play Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, who are in a torrid relationship filled with BDSM and complicated emotions. In Fifty Shades Darker, Christian continues to open Anastasia’s mind to his unusual sexual preferences. While the Fifty Shades film and book series are both very successful with human audiences, dogs have mixed reviews:
“Hey, Anastasia, try being tied up outside of a grocery store while waiting for your owner to buy kale and then tell me bondage is cool…” —Melly, 7 (Basset Hound)
“I really related to this film. My owner and I have a lot of power struggles.” —Dilbert, 1 (Dalmatian)
“I was totally distracted by how tasty Mr. Grey’s ties look. Would love to chew those ties apart. Oh boy!” —Katniss, 3 (Border Collie)
“My owner loves this movie so much, I’ve come to resent it. Regularly cuts into my walking time.” —Tommy Boy, 9 (Dachshund)
“Love my leash. Love boundaries. Love having a job. Always have, even before I saw Fifty Shades. What can I say, I’m a Shep!” —Looper, 5 (German Shepard)
The dog reviews seem split down the middle for this one. Maybe they would like the book better, if only they could read.